bulwarking sanity !

they say , " maintain your composure...! " , everytime i am into some serious logical reasoning ... how far do i stretch to bulwark my sanity ?
this is like certain consuetudinary to behave sophisticated when you are said to have "GROWN UP"...this itself is a tentative term...like what i had been writing in the post earlier !

why am i always expected to forgive ? why am i not supposed to put forth my perspectives n conceptions when im being called "GROWN UP " ?

why am i stupid enough to think that " SAYING SORRY " , even if i 'm "RIGHT" is innocuous ? as far as i've debunked my own SANITY...i feel im a person who does not like EGO to spoil things even for a while....i firmly believe n treasure every relationship i share with people around me.....but being taken for granted as an "EMOTIONAL" coleen i sometimes feel it is so good to be INSANE......i fight with my SANITY when i do not speak out things i should n want to..............when i want to be angry ( like mom asks me to drink child water ) ........ i dont want to have regrets over things that matter a lot to my statuesque !

i think sometimes it is sheer better to speak out things , without looking back at what would happen next...cuz if you dont ... the other person with splash out such shit that would question your sane "SANITY"..........is being upfront on the levels of bulwarking your amour-propre INSANITY ?

my point isn't about being upfront n gruff to people you dont like...but yes i certainly think living by the rules of "ITS OVER",....is SANE ! sometimes i feel it is very important to get back to knee jerks n regurgitate your feelings n anger ! one needs to be very very strong to say "YES , IM HURT ! ".........for the past 20 years what i have been reading , hearing , watching n learning every instant....i can confer that ," As difficult as it seems, you can be sure of this: At the core of the heart, you have the power to move beyond the old issues that are still hindering your freedom. The hardest things—the ones that push you up against your limits—are the very things you need to address to make a quantum leap into a fresh inner and outer life. "

like i've known myself over the years i always hunt an issue n solve it ,yself...n therefore i can manage to say that in the long run, it's not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You're not forgiving them for their sake. You're doing it for yourself. For your own health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don't let these people live rent free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It's not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself. It's one thing you can be totally selfish about !

The incoherence that results from holding on to resentments and unforgiving attitudes keeps you from being aligned with your true self. It can block you from your next level of quality life experience. Metaphorically, it's the curtain standing between the room you're living in now and a new room, much larger and full of beautiful objects. The act of forgiveness removes the curtain. Clearing up your old accounts can free up so much energy that you jump right into a whole new house. Forgiving releases you from the punishment of a self-made prison where you are both the inmate and the jailer. !


though many times my head spanks me that "FORGIVING"..isnt the best option....but i cannot deny the person i am..the SANITY i owe to my being .... n so to protect me from being a make-believe i have accepted the easy way out....!




Revenge is a kind of wild justice; which the more man's nature runs to, the more ought law to weed it out ! i know what destruction i face if i try to bulwark my ego against my sanity....VENGEANCE has never done me good....Something of revenge I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy: its after-flavor, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned of INSANITY. !!!

UNIFEST competitions 2008

this was on 8th oct.08...just a few glimses of the poster making competition i had participated in !

THE " right" n the "RIGHT"

 "RIGHTS " as given :


(1) Right : Of , pertaining to , or located on or near the side of a person or thing that is turned toward the east when the subject is facing north..
(2) Right : adherence or obedience to moral and legal principles and authority..
(3) Right : correct in judgment, opinion, or action..




I really am missing two more "RIGHTS" ; but then I am not scribbling to discuss the word vagary here .. Amongst these 3 rights , the only one i understand & am sure about is the First Right (1)...As regarding concerns about the other two you can just have a look at the adjoining snap..Cuz thats exactly how I'd probably look when I have to apprehend the other two , but dont take me literally .. HEHe...I aint as pretty as Betty , who was the beauty from Alabama ... Khair , whenever it comes to the 2nd Right ; what I understand till date aint as bad but then it needs drastic improvements ...




What I feel is " RIGHT" at some point of the day seems incredibly "WRONG" by the end of the day....I am confused about judging over people & their behavior at certain points in my life .. I miserably fail to understand what is "RIGHT" when i come across a "MIND QUARREL"..& what should be done next ... What is "RIGHT" if im "RIGHT "..& what is "RIGHT" if im "WRONG"....Mamma says im just a little to naive to understand the complex mindsets & tact-tics of this Terrene....But the mindsets & tact-tics I'm pointing towards here are thrown by my age-mates ! So am I to conclude that I alone am the dunce of the class ? Papa told me I still remain untouched by the dirt that he watches closely..but then all these answers fail to convince me about my perspectives about deciding "WHAT IS RIGHT "....Its not that I absolutely have my squares round to make the "RIGHT" decision..but then yes I still feel i need to work upon my trust levels & start accepting that this Cosmos isn't as good as I see it to be ... Am I " RIGHT" ??!!???...Damn...Now you see what Holy crap im struck in !






Now the 3rd "RIGHT" (3)........Lord be humble to me , please....this one is like utter razzle-dazzle..When it comes to "RIGHTS' I must be given , they say im a "CHILD".. n when it comes to "RIGHTS" I must follow as been told & imparted by the society which aren't in my favor ; n hence i refuse to abide by ; they say I'm a "GROWN UP"..My parents say "RIGHTS" is more of a cumulative term....n that I have no " RIGHT" ; to question my own "RIGHTS"...where on Earth is someone now who'd agree to this.....I must n must have the "RIGHT" to conclude what are my "RIGHTS" & that what I think may be "RIGHT" from my point of view....Never-the-less..I so well know I won't even be heard.....but ALL i wanted to say is am i not " RIGHT"..when i say i have the following "RIGHTS" ?
to choose , to decide , to judge , to conclude , to be heard , to speak , to listen , to see & most importantly have & form OPINIONS about everything thats happens around me....?


& about the "RIGHT RIGHTS" for people who form my harbor .. they have the right to interact & poke their respective noses in my life but I own the "RIGHT" to decide upto what extents....n i think it is "RIGHT " on my part if I think that some people leave too much of mess & destruction to come back to my envelope ever again... & that i have the "RIGHT" to say that such people cause nothing but trouble , n that I have the "RIGHT" to never talk to them again ( they still poke their nose though ).......& that i also have the "RIGHT" to live by the rules of "ITS OVER"...cuz it makes the "RIGHT" sense............n thats i have no "RIGHT" to say what I say is "RIGHT" may hold "RIGHT" for others.........


Okay .. I think I'm going bonkers now.....was everything that I'd been writing "RIGHT" ????